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Post by gossipcentral on Dec 9, 2012 20:50:31 GMT
we're all aware that the models in hollywood aren't too normal. we have our mother hating kendra parker, asshole scotty slawson, and evidently... senile jamie rune. if you don't believe us, take a look at the bible we found. yes, he actually follows it. if you examine his behavior closely, you can see.
"UNICORNISM
There was once a day that was not a day. How exactly everything came to be is a complete mystery – but we do know this. Samuel, the great unicorn King, was the origin of it all. It is believed, generally, that he was spawned in outer space as a result of the former sun exploding. Yes; before our sun, there was a different one. It burned with such passion that any sort of planet in its range would have been swallowed whole. From within this sun he emerged, wisdom and glory beaming through his horn as he dipped across outer space, slowly but surely putting himself in an orbit. Every time he completed a revolution, he went faster. For centuries upon centuries, he was mindlessly orbiting, contemplating his existence. Suddenly, he noticed a change. He was going faster than ever imagined, and in this circle he was creating a planet. At the time, he did not know what it was, but he knew that it was a powerful thing.
His place in the sky had soon come to an end, when before he knew it, he was falling gracefully from outer space. He landed on some pinecones—ouch—but he recovered shortly after. “Good golly,” he neighed, kicking his hooves furiously as he shook off the prickly, annoying creations. “No more,” Samuel roared, and the pinecones all disappeared from the land. And from there he traveled the earth alone, creating and destroying things like nobody’s business. This became routine for poor, old Samuel though. He decided he wanted a companion, someone who he could mate with and reproduce with. He took extra time in creating the perfect female unicorn; but one little thing went wrong when she was created. She was actually a He, and a complete replica of Samuel, but he had glazing black fur and anger in his eyes. He was his evil twin. “I am Jerome,” he declared, his nostrils snarling and panting heavy, as if he had just run a marathon. “And I am going to be the new ruler of this land! Just you wait and see!” Before he knew it, Jerome was far gone, flying into the distance to build his new army. Samuel was sure of only one thing: a war had been declared.
Quickly, he created an army. The soldiers were named Modesty, Generosity, Honesty, Caring, Kindness, and Loyalty. These were the elements that would forever shape the universe. In return, there had to be evil. Jerome named his evil soldiers Greedy, Grumpy, Conceited, Lazy, Horny, and Iggy (Ignorant.) Nobody really liked Iggy. The battle started at dawn in what Samuel called the lettuce forest, but it was all just evergreen trees. The battle was an easy one. Jerome’s army fell quickly to them, and no thanks to Iggy! Right when Jerome’s army had an advantage, he got over his ignorance and joined the team of light and sunshine, creating a portal to the underworld so they could shove all the demons down it. Jerome was the last one left, hanging on the edge of the ground, and Samuel stood at the edge next to him. “I am sorry, brother…” he began to lift his hoof, but Jerome pleaded. “Wait! Brother! Promise me one… one thing, and I shall never return,” he wheezed, closing his eyes. “Bring… back the pinecones.” And with that, he fell gracefully into hell and that was the last anyone ever heard of Jerome.
With an annoyed sigh, Samuel tapped his front left hoof twice and all the pinecones returned. He realized this earth thing was stupid, so he decided to be a god instead, and created a world above it called Bliss. And up Samuel went, his seven angels trailing behind him. From there he created 6 human families to start the world off: the Johnsons, the Smiths, the Browns, the Hendersons, the Hughes, and last but certainly not least… the Runes. Everybody’s passage to Bliss when they died was not guaranteed, but if they followed the rules he left carved on a stone, they would be welcomed with open arms.
The rules are as following (he updated them throughout the years and listed them in order of importance):
1. No socks may be worn twice.
2. The consumption of blueberries is prohibited, as they are Jerome’s favorite food and that’s not cool.
3. You must always laugh at jokes, even if they are bad or not funny.
4. No wearing plaid on Tuesdays.
5. When one has their twentieth birthday, they cannot wear any clothes for the full twenty four hours out of respect for Samuel because it took 20 billion years to make the earth.
6. You can only engage in sexual intercourse if you are intoxicated.
7. You must always be nice to everyone, no matter what.
8. Cats are to be respected at all times. If they want your food, give them your food.
9. Never read the newspaper.
10. You must always put maple syrup on your pancakes or waffles, and they must be absolutely soaked. "
How ridiculous. Someone needs to put this boy in a home.
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Dec 9, 2012 21:24:33 GMT
I'm comfortable in my own home, thank you for the offer, though...
I'm also not crazy. We live in America. I'm free to think whatever I want and it's really not anyone's business but my own to know what I do think. I can only hope that people won't think differently of me because I don't think in the range of the 'norm.'
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Post by CHRISTINE ERIN VIXX on Dec 10, 2012 1:24:59 GMT
this is fucking brilliant if you ask me. my jamie believes in something, don't bash on him for that. and to be honest, those are legit rules (;
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Post by MAXWELL OLIVER LOVETT on Dec 10, 2012 4:54:37 GMT
My first reaction upon reading this was to launch into a tirade- however, despite how gratifying that may be, it will do little to actually solve the problem at hand here. So rather than rant, I will do what I do best. Editorialize.
I have to start by saying this poor excuse for journalism is simply another nail in the coffin of today's media. Why would the particularities of one model serve as news? Were there no real stories to gather? Or was the writer simply so devoid of original thought that all they could do was post trivial musings on the beliefs of others? My money is on the latter. It also serves an important point to note, that the most they were able create using their own words is a mere seven sentences. None of which use proper grammar, structure, or even capitalization. I think it is a safe assumption that this is the main reason the author has been relegated to trashy, fluff gossip pieces, rather than actual articles worthy of publication. Had I written such trash under the guise of journalism, I would have kept myself anonymous as well, for fear that my name be associated with such utter garbage.
But I digress. Let us instead of criticizing the delivery of this 'news', point out the flaws in it's intent. Now, I may be a foreigner on American shores, but I was under the distinct impression that under the US constitution, all Americans are provided the right to freedom of religion. Perhaps if you need a history lesson, you should brush up. This right does not dictate how or what someone can worship, only that they are fundamentally able to do so without fear of persecution. Why, one could argue that the blatant disregard the author has show in this article is not only slanderous, but also a violation of Jamie Rune's first amendment rights. Perhaps a thought that should be considered before choosing to put such flippant remarks in a public forum.
More important than that, I have to wonder what makes one person assume that they are able to mock the beliefs of another. I ask, is the idea presented above any more out there than a nameless god creating the world in seven days, building the first humans of clay and allowing them to live in paradise so long as they don't eat from the tree of knowledge? Or Vishnu floating in the cosmos entwined with a snake growing a lotus flower from his belly button which sprouted Brahma who created the world? Or that Xenu, an extra terrestrial overlord created life as we know it? The very nature of religion borders on the absurd sometimes, and is what makes the term faith so important. Perhaps it doesn't always make sense to those that don't practice, but those who do hold faith in those beliefs, and it is not for any of us to judge.
Maybe the idea of Jamie's Unicornisim is out there, but no more so than Catholicism, Hinduism, or Islam. If Mormons and Scientology are allowed to practice their faith free from ridicule, why not this man who simply follows his own set of beliefs? There are few things that get people more riled than religion. In the course of recorded history, no less than 96% of human conflict has been caused by religion. It is the utter faith and conviction in ones beliefs that has led the practice of worship to be such a divisive force in human history, and one should not take mocking it so lightly.
So for the cowardly author who chose to remain in shadow, I say this to you: For shame. Perhaps next you will choose to crack fun at some Buddhists, or maybe mock some Jews. Well sir, it is not the 1930's and this is not Germany. Try practicing responsible journalism, and perhaps you can avoid being on the wrong side of a law suite.
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Post by SCOTT COREY SLAWSON on Dec 11, 2012 10:58:56 GMT
Freedom of religion? This is not fucking religion, this is bullshit. Jamie probably created it himself to take away the attention from his massive gut. Ugh. Unicornism? How about DELUSIONALISM!
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Dec 11, 2012 11:17:31 GMT
Get bent.
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Post by SCOTT COREY SLAWSON on Dec 11, 2012 11:30:29 GMT
So I can be like you? No thanks.
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Dec 11, 2012 11:31:27 GMT
You need Samuel.
(( ooc. said in the tone of YOU NEED JESUS. ))
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Post by SCOTT COREY SLAWSON on Dec 11, 2012 11:32:29 GMT
You need a brain.
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Dec 11, 2012 11:33:24 GMT
I'll work on that when you get a heart.
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Post by SCOTT COREY SLAWSON on Dec 11, 2012 11:39:46 GMT
Have to find the wizard for that.
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Dec 11, 2012 11:40:36 GMT
Someone as special as you should be able to manage it.
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Post by SCOTT COREY SLAWSON on Dec 11, 2012 11:41:23 GMT
Well maybe you could take your horned beast and they could find the way.
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Dec 11, 2012 11:47:35 GMT
Horned beast? Unicorns are not horned beasts. They are majestic creatues. Excuse you.
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Post by MAXWELL OLIVER LOVETT on Dec 11, 2012 23:29:26 GMT
I would like to point out, that religion doesn't just pop out of nowhere, someone has to create it, so naturally, as anyone with an ounce of logic could figure out, it only makes sense that Jamie created it. I could also site various sources that would help explain what defines something as a religion, and then quote the constitution to you. But I can tell from the short exchange you've had with Jamie here, that you are the sort who is too woefully ignorant to actually care when something is presented logically. So I will speak in a way more suited to your level. Grow the fuck up. If you are so insecure about yourself that you need to lash out at someone else simply to feel better about your own insignificance, then I will let you in on a little secret. It will never help. You will always be sad and pathetic. Sort out your own issues rather than attacking others.
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